The Addiction

Shit.

Feelings.

Emotions.

Nervousness.



I haven't had a really intense crush in a while. The rush of adrenaline pounding through my veins, shaking my sweating hands (nice visual - I know) literally has not been felt by me in nearly 2 years. Mostly because either I know that it's not going to happen, or I'm not crazy about the guy I'm dating, which is why they seldom last more than a couple of dates, but here I am with my sweaty palms wondering if he's wondering about me, while I try for the 100th time to buckle down and rewrite this damn script by Blahblidiblah, which is subpar at best now that I've reread it for the 200th time (some people just shouldn't write Romantic Comedies, like the person who originally wrote this one).

I keep telling myself, stop texting him first, stop iming him first, stop it. Stop it. STOP IT! But then I think, but what if he doesn't know I like him.

Because that is possible, right? No.

They always know I like them. I've never been good at hiding that shit. Poor kid that sat in front of me during Texas History in 8th grade probably thought I was a drooling lunatic, that's how bad it is. And now, I'm pretty sure the drooling has just turned into eye fucking and excessive smiling, which may or may not be creepier than the drooling.

And I can't really find a way to counteract the effects of the crush, because I've looked it up and according to this article in Women's Health, my newly acquired rush is a result of surging levels of dopamine, which are driving me absolutely crazy. And I have no way to counteract the dopamine... or do I?

According to other various articles, the only thing that can reduce this new found stress of increased dopamine surging through me is a lovely chemical called - oxytocin, which is created naturally when you hold someone's hand, or hug someone, or cuddle, which sounds nice and cute and cuddly-awesome. Except for the fact that my crush is not within cuddling distance...

So I'm jonesing for human contact.

If you think about it, it's horribly interesting that the human body recognizes that increased chemicals rushing through your body is abnormal and realizes the solution, much to my chagrin. It's like when out of nowhere you're hit with a huge thirst. It's your body's way of saying, "YO, I'm 70% water, and you haven't had liquids in a while - DRINK SOMETHING." OR like when you play a hockey game and afterwards your body's energy source is completely depleted, so you have to go out and eat protein to replenish your body's stores.

But seriously my body knows that the increased chemicals need to be evened out even if it doesn't care where it gets its next hit. I recognize that grabbing a random person and nuzzling into their neck is wrong, but my body not so much.

I was on the metro last weekend minding my own business, when I got a text from the Crush. It was a normal text, nothing exciting, but the next thing I know, I'm looking around trying to figure out which person would be my new cuddle friend. This is when I realized that being in public transport, ie, an all you can cuddle buffet was probably not the best place for me with my cravings.

Most people crave chocolate, alcohol, italian food, but currently I am craving human touch, so if a random girl runs up to you in DC and gives you a big frickin' hug... It's me. I've had my shots, and to my knowledge only my laughter is infectious.